PSA: On Call-Outs

Due to recent community happenings, I want to add this disclaimer to the post below. Please read it as well.

If you ever see a call-out on me, my name on some sort of “tea” page, or by proxy with another person or entity, whether on Twitter, Tumblr, FA, Instagram or elsewhere: don’t tell me. I know they exist. Most of the time, I’ve been attacked when I refused to stop interacting with someone because someone else had a problem with them.

As a rule, I refuse to distance myself from people just because someone warns me that I am following someone or interacting with someone that they consider “bad” or have a dislike for. I’ve seen rumours ruin innocent people’s reputations more than once. So, these days, I judge by myself whether I want to interact with someone. I don’t let others dictate that.

So, if you ever see this sort of thing in relation to my name, I know maybe you want to be helpful by telling me about it so I can address it, but it’s not helpful, so please, don’t. Notice how I am not on most of those platforms, or if I am, DMs/notes are disabled? It’s because I want no involvement with anything going on in them. I have no interest in defending my reputation on them, I could not care less. I know what kind of person I am. I care about the opinion my friends and my family have of me. I don’t care about what strangers on the Internet say or think.

I have been warned of the odd call-out in the past, and while this is certainly not the norm, sometimes the delight of the person being the one to to make my day by letting me know that I’m somehow involved in drama is only too palpable. ๐Ÿ™„

Online, I try to assume the best of everyone, including people who message me about these things, but I’ve been burned before, so it’s rough, and you’re generally going to get a terse response for me even if you meant well. And I AM sorry for that. But no good ever came to my life by someone warning me of something someone said about me, be they friend or stranger. I know a lot of the time the intention is kind: I appreciate that intention. But please, spare us both. ๐Ÿ™

You have to think of it this way: when it comes to the toxicity of these communities, what I don’t know can’t hurt me –literally! It’s why I left so much social media. I am happy now. I’m not stressed. If you tell me about stuff like that you are destroying the peace I made for myself. At the end of the day I’m still going to ignore any drama people involve me in. But I’d rather just not know, so please, don’t tell me.

For what it’s worth, I would have the same reaction if you “warn” me about one of my friends. My hate for rumors, and their malicious or benevolent spread, is too vicious to be called a pet peeve. I see red. So please do not engage in anything resembling rumor-spreading with me. Not about me. Not about friends. Not about strangers. Not online, and not in person (I ended a friendship partly over how much they talked badly about others.)

Likewise, if you want to warn me about someone having done something illegal, if you have concrete enough proof to prove it without a shadow of a doubt, then PLEASE by all means go to the authorities. Iโ€™ve seen lives ruined by actual literal lies. Iโ€™ve seen reputations destroyed even when the rumor-spreader admitted to faking receipts and screenshots (so easily done!) I’ve seen this happen at least twice on Twitter. By the time the liar admitted to what they did, the person didn’t get their reputation back. So forgive me for being cautious. But I won’t allow anyone to make me part of this. I’m not the one you need to talk to. Go file a report, get the person jailed. Do not tell me. DO NOT TELL ME. Just do your callout publicly on your own space, but leave me and others out of it.

I’m sorry for how bitchy I am in this post, especially if you have tried to help me because you were upset to see someone speak ill of me in an unwarranted manner… I am truly sorry to make someone else the brunt of that anger. I am grateful for people who care about me enough to defend my good name.

But when it comes to call-outs on me, I simply do not have the time or emotional energy for something so unimportant, so there is no need to bring it to my attention. And if you’re gonna try to destroy one of my friends, take your evidence to the police. In due time I’ll find out and cut them out of my life when I deem it necessary. Thank you.

I Just Kinda Hate Everything ๐Ÿ™ƒ

I do try to remain positive on here, and when I donโ€™t, to not follow it by another negative post, especially when my life is so good overall, but I need to vent somewhere, even if I feel my problems are all first-world, and they are, so please bear with me as I scream into my privileged void.

We are going to bed a half hour earlier and getting up a half hour earlier, and for both my husband and me, it has created no end of misery. I do it because if I sleep, I lose my chance of 15 minutes with him in the morning as he gets ready, and right now every minute with him feels precious. But I am irritable and tired, and he is just tired. Then he leaves, and I donโ€™t see him again til 9:00 pm when we have dinner the moment he walks through the door.

By then, Iโ€™ve been so hungry, snacked so much, that I continue to get heavier and more unhappy about it. I want to exercise to balance this out, but even as I wake up today, at 7:15 am the temp was 81ยฐ, or 91ยฐ with the current humidity, an utter misery and in the hundreds by the time I want to exercise.

It seems so petty to be irritated by waking up at 7:15 am, perfectly normal time that it is, and a half hour longer I am a different person. Itโ€™s also not like I donโ€™t know what truly waking up early is: it is waking up at 4:30 am to take a bus, a train, and another bus, to make it to work before 8:00 am and with 45 minutes to spare until your workplace opens, because if you miss a single bus or train youโ€™d be late so you need that buffer. I did that, for months, so I know what that feels like, and how ridiculous our current complaint is. But for some reason, it really, really is very hard to have a good morning as a result. Even though I sleep well enough, and certainly enough hours.

Compounding my bad mood, yesterday I noticed a single mite in my most precious snails, my poms. I wanted to cry. Itโ€™s possible however that they too came with mites, likely being wild snails. Only two weeks ago did I put them in soil without hypoaspis since their arrival, so it could be I had been treating them all along without realizing it and stopped too soon. I donโ€™t know. But, more hypoaspis are arriving today and Iโ€™m going to be very aggressive treating these snails because if these die, I wonโ€™t want to have snails anymore or ever again.

Meanwhile, the four left of my original group havenโ€™t shown mites in well over a week, but they are weak and will not eat. So the prognosis is bad.

In spite of all this I am still trying my hardest with everything. Work on the book continues, with another chapter completed; commission work continues with a comic for Snowthebear now in process of inking and Islandโ€™s commission being shaded. I keep up with my housework. I keep doing my best.

Above all, even though he mostly lays on the couch in the evenings (or used to) while I go about my business, I miss Christopherโ€™s presence in the house very deeply. We spend, on average, two hours a day together. Due to his snoring, we currently donโ€™t even sleep together. Iโ€™ve gotten used to the loneliness caused by the pandemic, to almost not seeing my mom at all this year, to not having our dinners or parties anymore. Mites aside, the snails help, as do the cats, as do my stuffed animals, and books. But for all I have, without my husband I am so unhappy. Not being able to sit in a coffee shop, people watching while I work, makes it much harder, as this helped my loneliness a lot.

All plans canceled and nothing to look forward to. Iโ€™m becoming bitter and jaded about it all. Everything just seems to matter less and less.

Please donโ€™t think Iโ€™m not grateful for all I have: a beautiful home, a library, lots of toys, good things to eat, my pets, a loving husband. Honestly having so much just makes my being morose and depressed all the more a source of guilt.

I am not asking for advice or solutions. I just needed to vent.

The one upside in my life right now is how good of a decision it was to leave all the sites I left (primarily Twitter but also everywhere else.) The last step I took was a permanent Twitter block, so even without my account, I canโ€™t ever visit Twitter or Tumblr on any of my devices, even when my main blocks are off, those are never available. Itโ€™s effectively as though those sites no longer exist for me and itโ€™s so freeing.

Anyway I am going to try to nap my grumpiness away, before I start my day properly. Sorry for all the venting. Itโ€™s all been adding up.