If you ever see a call-out on me, my name on some sort of “tea” page, or by proxy with another person or entity, whether on Twitter, Tumblr, FA, Instagram or elsewhere: don’t tell me. I know they exist: if you gain the slightest modicum of notoriety, or befriend someone who has, people will invariably want to take you down a peg or take the person you’ve befriended down a peg by attacking them in some manner that they consider defensible or justified (it’s not: it’s just gross and toxic.)
Add to this the fact that I refuse to distance myself from people just because someone warns me that I am following or interacting with someone THEY consider “bad”, and I, as many others with even a bit of a spine, will be targeted. It’s just how it is, unless you want to a) roll over every time someone gets offended at something you say or do, or b) profusely apologize for DARING to befriend someone who did the latter, and immediately cutting ties. I refuse.
So, if you ever see this in relation to my name, I know maybe you want to be helpful by telling me about it, but you’re not. Notice how I am not on most of those platforms? It’s because I want no involvement with anything going on in them. I have no interest in defending my reputation on them, I could not care less. I know what kind of person I am. I care about the opinion my friends and my family have of me. I don’t care about what strangers on the Internet say or think.
I have been warned of the odd call-out in the past, and while this is certainly not the norm, sometimes the delight of the person being the one to to make my day by letting me know that I’m somehow involved in drama is only too palpable. 🙄
Online, I try to assume the best of everyone, including people who message me about these things, but I’ve been burned before, so it’s rough, and you’re generally going to get a terse response for me even if you meant well. And I AM sorry for that. But no good ever came to my life by someone warning me of something someone said about me, be they friend or stranger. I know a lot of the time the intention is kind: I appreciate that intention. But please, spare us both. 🙏
You have to think of it this way: when it comes to the toxicity of these communities, what I don’t know can’t hurt me –literally! It’s why I left so much social media. I am happy now. I’m not stressed. If you tell me about stuff like that you are destroying the peace I made for myself. At the end of the day I’m still going to ignore any drama people involve me in. But I’d rather just not know, so please, don’t tell me.
For what it’s worth, I would have the same reaction if you “warn” me about one of my friends. My hate for rumors, and their malicious or benevolent spread, is too vicious to be called a pet peeve. I see red (the content of the rumors does’t even matter.) So please do not engage in anything resembling rumor-spreading with me. Not about me. Not about friends. Not about strangers. Not online, and not in person (I ended a friendship partly over how much they talked badly about others.)
Likewise, if you want to warn me about someone having done something illegal, if you have concrete enough proof to prove it WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT, then PLEASE by all means go to the authorities. I’ve seen lives ruined by actual literal lies. I’ve seen reputations destroyed even when the rumor-spreader admitted to faking receipts and screenshots (so easily done!) I’ve seen this happen at least twice on Twitter. By the time the liar admitted to what they did, the person didn’t get their reputation back. So forgive me for being cautious. But I won’t allow anyone to make me part of this. I’m not the one you need to talk to. Go file a report, get the person jailed. Do not tell me. DO NOT TELL ME. Just do your callout publicly on your own space, but leave me and others out of it.
I’m sorry for how bitchy I am in this post, especially if you have tried to help me because you were upset to see someone speak ill of me… I am truly sorry to make someone else the brunt of that anger. I am grateful for people who care about me enough to defend my good name.
But when it comes to call-outs on me, I simply do not have the time or emotional energy for something so unimportant, so there is no need to bring it to my attention. And if you’re gonna try to destroy one of my friends, take your evidence to the police. In due time I’ll find out and cut them out of my life when I deem it necessary. Thank you.