Last night I slept much better. I did end up having a coffee yesterday anyway. After how I slept the night prior, I just could not make it through the day without one. But I am going back to a single can of coffee a day. Thankfully, in spite of having some, last night was not a repeat of the constant waking up for hours. I slept really well.
Christopher has been so sweet, and so solicitous; I think that made a huge difference in my mood and stress levels for the evening. I’m also making a big effort to talk less, and complain less about things that aren’t worth whining about, though it’s not like I’ve felt much like whining about anything the past twenty four hours.
I also made a list of everything that is stressing me out right now, in order of urgency, and yesterday tackled the first thing and part of the second (the overdue ODU design, which I hope to get close to finishing today.) Today I took care of even more –I remembered I had my Amazon card, and with that, I was able to buy almost all of the family’s presents, since I can defer that payment, just a little.
With that done, finishing my ODU designs, along with my allowance, will give me just barely enough money to cover my bills for December. Just having all my stress sources laid out helps. It’s a stressful month, as ever, but I can do it.
As soon as some of my most urgent stuff is finished commission-wise, I’ll open a few more slots. Right now, I’ve taken enough that I want to avoid taking more as much as possible until I finish and post a few more pieces. I’ve done decently well at not overwhelming myself too much, and would like to keep it that way, as well as out of respect to all commissioners who are waiting so patiently.
Finally –you may have noticed that this year, I didn’t post an Amazon wishlist anywhere. I have one, and I meant to have it always displayed on my blog, but I decided to wait until after Christmas. It’s because this year, I don’t feel right asking for or expecting anything for Christmas: I don’t have time to send any cards and I don’t have money to send anyone presents. Likewise, I do not have enough free time to make art presents for anyone. I am so sorry. As you may know from previous years it is something I really like to do.
I am so tired and stressed, and I have to cover a lot of bills that Christopher used to cover for me, which was very unfair to him, and he continued to do for years. I have to take care of them myself or let hosting and domain names lapse. And even though he seemed to hint at the other day that he would very reluctantly cover them if he absolutely had to, that would feel like such a defeat to me, and such an embarrassment. I can’t continue to let someone else deal with the consequences of my poor money management habits. I don’t want to! But I’m not going to let my stuff lapse. I can do this! I just want everyone to know that if you send me a card or buy me a gift I simply cannot return the favor this year. That makes me very sad, and I am deeply sorry for any disappointment.
I’ll have new art posted this week. Thank you to all who are waiting so patiently.