Buddy and Sarah were on top of the TV today. It’s almost 1:00am now, and they must have moved for the night already –so fast!– 😳 but I can’t find them anywhere. Sometimes it takes me a while, though. I’ll look harder tomorrow. 🤔
I think today went pretty well. I accomplished everything I hoped to do. Our family is here now, and my attempt at being less “special” is going well… I think… although, carefully watching what I say and do makes me feel like I’m being constantly fake in a way.
As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I’m trying to find a balance between being myself and behaving less eccentrically, so I can be taken more seriously by my family and not be the butt of all the jokes, which was really bugging me. So, this weekend is the time to try that.
And as I explore that balance, I did at times try to be more “me”, maybe I mentioned one of my more childish interests or was a bit self-deprecating, which is not good if I don’t want that sort of humor later used against me. But I also don’t want to hide the real me 100% of the time. That’s a terrible way to spend a long amount of time, so striking a balance is paramount.
Unfortunately, in what I think was just trying to help, Christopher would flick me (kinda hard) or just glare daggers at me (I don’t think he realized it looked like that, though) or just say something that made me awkwardly stop mid-sentence, if I happened to do these things. 😞
He knows I’m trying to avoid them, so I’m sure it was him trying to be helpful, but I just became really paranoid and talked less and less. I’m afraid of saying or doing wrong things and start to get too self-conscious to interact. Talking as little as possible does seem to be the ultimate solution, so I may stick to that tomorrow. It’s less stressful.
There’s a lot to look forward to this weekend and next week, I’m really excited! For now, I’m going to bed. Goodnight, everyone. 😊