Hi guys~! I know this blog has been all postdated entries recently, and art output just kinda… suddenly dropped. 👉👈💧
I’m just really, really busy with all sorts of random things. Right now, all commissions in this year’s earlier batch are in the “highlights/last details” part of the process, so I am really busy with that, and you can expect a barrage of around 10 detailed pieces being completed and posted very, very soon. 👍✨
I’ve also been gaming a little more than usual as I’m trying to finish Café Enchanté, and of course studying lots for the upcoming citizenship test.
While I expect to do well, the advent of a day I have dreamed of for twenty years is deeply anxiety inducing, so you should expect to see me be quieter overall, and commission progress slowed a tad. I’m just trying to study, work, and keep it together. 😅 I really appreciate your patience with me.
The test is on April 21st. After that, I’ll probably go back to normal…
…unless I fail. Lol.
ANYWAY, my BigJigs Dinosaur Railway Set is here!! I’ll save it for next date night.
I’m getting as many dinosaur items for our train set as possible to create a “Jurassic Park” of sorts in our train world!
I’ve been having a sorta lonely feeling in my chest lately. I paused moving stuff from IG for a little while because (as much as the word annoys me sometimes) certain old photos started to trigger memories from previous, deeply anxiety-inducing relationships, and that puts me in a weird mental place.
And yet, I am determined to move everything here. Everything. I feel it’s important for me to have a record of it all in one place for the sake of remembering how certain things were. Sort of?
You see, sometimes certain memories make me miss things or people, and then I remember how it actually was –the curated photos can be confusing. I know I sometimes twisted how I described my own mood in certain situations to fool myself I suppose… actually, it’s the memory of that behavior of mine that is sorta triggering. Just, remembering how many times I was sad or uncomfortable and made posts saying the exact opposite. 😅 Just to convince myself that my feelings weren’t as they felt. Weird huh.
Anyway, I’ll see those posts, be inundated by memories, and then think yeah, I’m ok not looking for more friends for now. I just do not feel ready to deal with the stress. But. It would be nice to have a friend around my own age… I think. Another girl. It would be really nice. Just, someone over 30… or someone emotionally mature I guess? I do have friends like that whom I love dearly, but they live too far away…
Well, that was a spontaneous ramble. Whoops. That is all I have time to share for now, I think? If anyone is reading this, I hope you have a lovely week.
And if you are feeling lonely out there, even if you have people who love you, if you have a little hole in your chest for whatever reason, I hope something happy comes along to fill it, soon. Keep an open heart! That’s what I’m trying to do, too. 💕