Oh Well…

Hey all… So as previously mentioned the trip was definitely canceled. We couldn’t even do part of it. Most was refunded.

At this time, I’m still just getting over it. Spending time with family for the entire week with alternate plans is nice and ordinarily I would simply say that I’m having a wonderful time. But I am also so bitter and disappointed, this being the third cancellation of our vacation, I don’t care about anything anymore.

No one is showing feelings of disappointment, though surely we all have them, so I’m hiding them too, but, even as I’m having fun sporadically, I get bursts from time to time of just wanting to be home and alone with the cats, and like I don’t care about anything at this point. Our alternate plans are… “ok”. It’s not NYC or Walpole, it’s not lifetime dreams, I honestly couldn’t care less.

We will be doing some Orlando parks instead, starting tomorrow. I could pass on the parks, to put it mildly. It’s rainy and the heat is terrible and I don’t go on any rides (I don’t like them) so… 🤷‍♀️ honestly I think a good chunk of this week is gonna be me just trying to work on commissions to forget the world and hope for the week to be over.

At some point we’re getting on a train for eleven hours to go to Savannah, GA on some sort of tour, and I was mildly excited about that, but having looked at what’s in Savannah, I don’t care anymore about that either.

Sorry to sound so bitter in this post… Everyone here is being very cheerful and I’m making damn sure I put up that front too. But I’ve felt like crying a few times and still do once in a while. I’m so angry and sad. I just need to put those feelings somewhere (here) so I can make sure that they don’t spill over with family because it doesn’t help anyone.

In a more lighthearted note, there was a silly conversation about shrooms in the car and we picked one in a parking lot to give to Christopher.

(He gracefully declined to touch it.)

Then we played cards. That was fun, we laughed a lot. I had one of my little Japanese coffees. An extremely xenophobic comment was made about my drink. That was less fun. 🙃

And then it was bedtime, at which time I wrote about half of this post.

And the rest now (Saturday morning.)

I put my negative feelings here, but it didn’t help much haha. Breakfast came, my drink is wrong. Every small thing is making me see red, lol. I wish I could disappear, if only so my family and friends didn’t have to deal with me.

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