I think I just don’t know how to talk to people in a normal way. I say too much or too little, almost all of the time. Especially the former. I am so awkward.
I’ve been told I am this way since childhood and I have been told I have to change. I have always tried, and sometimes I think I am getting better, but eventually I am reminded that I’m really, really not. Every day it’s more obvious that I’m not neurotypical at all (and I never have been) but that knowledge doesn’t help. I still have to carry this painful inability to be social in the same wavelength as others that is always there. Always putting my foot in my mouth or wondering if I did. Always wondering.
I’m so sorry for being this way… I’m in a perpetual state of anxiety because of it. If I ever offend you, I probably didn’t mean to. I just really wear my heart in my sleeve instead of showing it slowly. It can be really off putting. I’m so sorry for that, I really mean that.