Mwakoโ€™s โ€™21 Visit ๐Ÿฆ Day Three

๐Ÿ–๏ธ At The Beach ๐Ÿ–๏ธ

I think today was my most favorite day of Mwako’s visit! It was definitely our “Littlest” day. We went to the beach and played lots of Littlespace games later that day back at my house.

We were up very early and off to Target to get some beach toys since I didn’t have any. Mwako got me a bucket, some scoops and a saxophone playing parasaurolophus!

I wore my Wen swimsuit, which I love to pieces still, and my new Toy Story Land hat that I got during the last Orlando trip. ๐Ÿ˜

Mwako took lots of photos of some –some candid, some I posed for. I think these might be the only photos of me at a beach ever.

There was a lot of seaweed, and I didn’t want to go into the water because it required wading past it. So Mwako basically dragged me screaming into the sea, I wish I was joking. ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ Then I clung on to him like a barnacle, and didn’t want to go back into the beach because of wading into the seaweed again. There was SO MUCH of it.

While we played in the water, a vehicle came and swept a lot of the seaweed on the beach away (or rather, “tilled” it into the sand). So at that point we went back to play on the nice clean beach.

My large blue bucket was quite unmanageable. I wasn’t able to make a big castle with it, I guess the sand was the problem. Being full of seaweed, it easily fell apart. But I was able to make a few small structures! A tiny city of sorts.

My parasaurolophus simply stood by playing an ominous tune on his sax.

Eventually the village was done! It even had bushes for decoration. A peaceful neighborhood, for the time being.

Mwako doesn’t really like his picture taken, but he approved of me taking this one from far away. He is looking for seashells for me to decorate my houses with.

All of these beautiful beach photos were taken by Mwako.

Of course, I had to “enhance” them with stickers… ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

Here’s a couple more he took of me:

At this point my sax-playing parasaurolophus decided it was time to give in to his dinosaur instincts and destroy the town.

Just like that the poor entire town is gone. For some reason, after this I felt very satisfied, and just sat staring out at the sea in contemplation.

…before sentencing my parasaurolophus to be drowned when the tide came in as penance for the wanton destruction:

(In the end he got lucky, we had to leave before the tide came in. He lives to destroy again!)

๐Ÿฃ๐ŸŒˆ Littlespace Time ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฃ

After the beach, we went to a McDonald’s Drive-Thru and it was the perfect hour: they had Sausage Egg McMuffins AND fresh fries! I had one of the most delicious breakfasts in months. Then we got back to my place, showered, and feeling quite refreshed, began our Little time!

At Mwako’s suggestion, we watched The Owl House, a show I am new to. I liked it a lot! Here is Mwako’s play area with the big crayons:

Mwako colored very, very fast. One could hardly keep up with him!

I just colored one drawing, of Cookie Monster with… err… a neighbor? Cousin?

I basically finished, but want to add some more details later:

I also started on a new squirrel page:

Multiple Owl House episodes later, our wrists hurt and we needed a snack, so we headed downstairs.

๐Ÿฟ Intermission ๐Ÿฟ

For a snack, I had coffee and a chocolate rice krispie treat! Mwako had juice and Lunchables.

๐Ÿงฉ Time For Games ๐Ÿงฉ

Next was board games! We played Bluey’s Shadowlands.

The physical execution of this fame is atrocious, lol. I can’t recommend buying it. It’s a cool concept, however it is very poorly done. Materials wise, I mean. Mostly it’s the palm tree mechanism that is a problem. But the game looks nice.

Still –we had fun with it. Mwako won!

๐ŸŒˆ Waffle Block Fun ๐ŸŒˆ

I love waffle blocks so much! They are my favorite type of block by far. We had so much fun with them. I made a little house! The house had windows, a path, a fence, a lawn chair, a satellite dish and two bushes.

Mwako made two things. The first was an Evil Lair Of Liony Doom (my name). I took many photos because I thought it was extremely cool.

He also made a cat carrier, with a handle and all:

Of course, we had to have the cats try it…

Elliot had regrets.

Rosie’s opinion was similar:

At this point Christopher was getting home so we put the toys away, and once he arrived, we went to our anticipated ramen dinner.

๐Ÿœ Hi-Pot Dinner ๐Ÿœ

Hi-Pot is one of our favorite restaurants and we were happy to introduce Mwako to it. We hadn’t had it in a long time and it was as good as ever.

Since I don’t often get to go out these days, I changed all over again just to go out to dinner:

As I was setting the alarm when we left, I noticed the sun on the Ring camera and it looked pretty so I took a capture:

I had… OMG… I had too many eggs. Christopher gave me his egg in exchange for my meat. I also ordered a side order of egg thinking it would be one egg but it was two. It was a massive amount of delicious eggs.

After we got home I almost went straight to bed, just kinda crashed, I was so happy and so full. Mwako leaves tomorrow… I will miss him lots. And I’ll back to work, work work! ๐Ÿ˜ซ

Long Overdue โ€” A Message To All ๐Ÿ’“

Hey everyone. Over the past little while, I’ve been doing some serious self-reflection, and I wanted to share that on this journal.

(If you are missing context/donโ€™t understand some reference to specific events or people, please know that I wonโ€™t go into detail, I simply post it here so I can get as many eyes on this as possible. I am not closing comments to avoid conversation, I posted all of this on Twitter too, and youโ€™re welcome to engage me there if you have something specific to tell me.) ๐Ÿ’•

I don’t want people trying to make me feel better for having been a jerk, because I think that invalidates the feelings of people whom I have hurt. It’s ok, let me own up to my failings. I’m a big girl (sometimes). Please, let me recognize my own poor behavior.

I started off fairly well on my Twitter return, staying away from arguments from the sake of arguments and keeping my nose out of things that were none of my business. This didn’t last too long –even though it harms me emotionally, I fell back into it anyway.

Now it’s one thing when it harms only me, but no one else deserves to be even the mistaken brunt of my ocassional keyboard rage, so easily blasted out into the world, without care for the repercussions.

I didn’t think I had to be reminded of this, but there ARE people on the other side, and these people have feelings and experiences that do not mirror my own.

There are plenty of opinions on the internet, and mine are not special, or witty, or unique, they are just mine. My own noise is not needed. Especially when I cancel out a dialogue before it can even begin.

Going forward, I’m going to try not to post about things that are controversial; if at all possible, I won’t post unhappy things on Twitter or here (maybe on my blog, and then I won’t crosspost them.)

I’ll concentrate on posting art and happy kidcore things on Twitter, and my pets, and above all, I’ll concentrate on being kind, and being quiet if I cannot be kind. This used to be a priority for me, but at some point, I lost track of it.

I’ve told myself a lot “Man, the fandom has become mean/crappy/cliquey/insert word”. Suddenly, I began to feel like I am part of the problem. I am not helping. Perhaps sanitizing my content will make me a little blander, but you guys don’t deserve my negativity or judgmental opinions.

I am going to work towards being a happy and positive energy and if I cannot do that, then I will simply take a break.

Even though Jaq forgave my shitty thread, I could have lost a VERY dear friend. I wanted to make my apology more public after having had a chance to reflect. I realized there probably have been multiple instances of me being a jerk to some degree or other over the past few years, that friends decided to look past because we are friends, even if they were hurt or upset by my words.

Actually there were definitely instances of this. I just fool myself with my own โ€œUwU I like rainbows and teddy bearsโ€ front that I put up with, as if that meant that I canโ€™t actually be horrible to people sometimes. I definitely can.

I also wish I could still apologize to Lucca for not bringing my advice and thoughts to him kindly and in private (or, you know, minding my own damn business) rather than making a journal earlier this year that (while it was well intended) hurt him –but that bridge is burnt.

I’ve prioritized feeling like I’m right, over the feelings of people I care about. Sometimes, it doesn’t matter if I’m right or not, what matters is that someone was hurt. I wish I had not forgotten this. I hope I won’t forget it again.

I also wish that, for all my talk about hating gossip, I had not sometimes gossiped about others using whatever excuse justified it in my head at the time. Just because someone hurt me, no matter how badly, doesn’t mean anyone else wants or needs to hear about it.

If you had to listen to me vent about such –and many of my close friends have– I am, so, so sorry. No matter my grief or trauma, it was a lot to put on you. I’m truly sorry. I wish I had not done it, and I’m grateful that you are still here for me.

I don’t know why it took me so long to take a hard look at my own behavior. I think my opinion of myself has always been a little too high, even in childhood –a paradox when compared to my awful lack of self-esteem (somehow I had both happen simultaneously.) ๐Ÿ™ƒ

Hopefully it’s never too late to try to be better. I don’t think it’ll happen overnight, but I am going to try my best. I’m actually gonna try to do better in regards to my potty mouth as well, I didn’t use to swear all over the place, I’m not sure why I began, but I know it makes me appear much harsher than I used to present myself many years ago.

I just want to be softer, kinder, less of a busybody, less of… whatever I’ve become. Not because I dislike myself (I really don’t) but because I want to be a good energy in the lives of those who choose to include me in it, be it IRL or on FA or Twitter.

Please have patience with me if I fail at times –but it is okay to remind me privately so I can get back on track. Thank you for being there for me.