Category Archives: ๐Ÿฟ๏ธ My Life ๐Ÿฟ๏ธ

It’s Monday, Let’s Do This… *weak fistpump* ๐Ÿ˜ชโœŠ

Good morning everyone. I overslept todayโ€ฆ I am also just generally feeling a bit down. I suppose it is the “come down” from all my birthday fun, the knowledge of upcoming stressful stuff, and a looming sadness I still have in regards to a recent event that I’ve felt too awkward to talk about in detail.

The most I can say is that it has to do with my Little side and it’s part of why I’ve been pushing things that make me feel Little so hard during the last two or so weeks.

To put it in the simplest terms, after putting that side of me away for a long time, I took a dip, then a jump, into vulnerability once again. I am not really sure what happened –it may all be an unfortunate coincidence the details of which I do not know– but it ended up badly for me. I worried that I would completely hide that side away again, and it especially hurt to consider doing so after my Little side experienced a moment of such intense and utter happiness. It was a hard come-down.

So I bought a lot of toys/got lots of toys for my birthday and made a strong effort to nurture my Little side right after this happened, evidenced also by how much I’ve been talking about it, something I never did quite to this degree before. I dusted off my Fetlife profile and completely remade my page with the focus of finding fellow local Littles to befriend, and even made the jump to attend Isolation Storytime, which I thought I’d lurk all throughout and instead had my camera on for as long as I stayed, which was almost the whole two hours. I really enjoyed that. I’m going to try to keep doing this, balanced with my normal “big” stuff. But I think it’s still going to be a while until I feel okay again.

In other things that have been screwing with my mental health, I’ve noticed that I’ve thrice fallen into Twitter discourse again, including at least two occasions where it was absolutely NONE of my damn business. I’m not sure what made me do it after so long, but it was very bad for me mentally.

Worst of all is seeing friends post stuff that make me feel more and more disconnected from them. Twitter literally has weakened friendships for me because I feel much less safe around some people, including some people I once felt close to. Then again, it’s not like that was/is the only factor in those cases.

But I digress. Ah yes, Twitter. I ended up making a list where I follow a ton of furries and babyfurs (including plenty of people I don’t like or support) and this way I get a feel for the current community zeitgeist and what my friends are doing and/or how they are reacting to community goings-on. It is conductive to feeling less isolated but also more depressed, because so much about the community is just kinda terrible these days.

I can only access the list from the Twitter app, since on the computer, all of that stuff remains blocked with my Cold Turkey Blocker app. Lately I’ve had the Twitter app on my phone constantly though, so I check the list throughout the day, and the negative stuff from it has been affecting me severely. So I guess I may be deleting the app for a few weeks so I can have a break from that. Ironically, almost always the stuff that bothers me is from people I do call my friends and/or support –and this is why I feel less and less comfortable in the community as a whole.

Sorry, it’s all pretty cryptic, huh? ๐Ÿ˜… But at the end of the day I am writing this post for myself, to vent. So, it doesn’t really matter. No one needs to know the details.

Today is gonna be a long drawing day. I’m hoping to get multiple sketches and lines done for overdue commissions. So please look out for those! With the warm-ups done for now, I’m trying my best to catch up.

I’ll also catch up on several blog posts throughout the day.

Birthday Fun! ๐Ÿฅณ๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŽ‚

Hi hi, everyone!! ๐Ÿ‘‹ Guess what today is. It’s my birthday! ๐Ÿฅณ Of course you know, because I’m the kind of person who doesn’t shut up about these things. ๐Ÿ˜ The first thing I woke up to was a birthday greeting and Amazon gift card from my mom in law. I think I had spent it literally ten minutes later. I’m terrible.

But anyway, got even more stuff I’m looking forward to arriving now. Today was extremely overindulgent. ๐Ÿ˜… But I have been so sad, and so stressed, especially the last week. I am a lot happier.

๐ŸŽ Opening Presents ๐ŸŽ

The first present I opened arrived some weeks ago. I didn’t know who it was from until today –thank you very much to my friend Kiba! It’s Felix Salten’s “Forest World”:

Felix Salten is a writer best known for the books “Bambi” and “Bambi’s Children”, but he also wrote “Fifteen Rabbits”, “Perri: The Youth Of A Squirrel” and many other wonderful books, which are often heartbreaking and full of death, but also hopeful and with beautiful descriptions of the wonders of life and of nature.

As I continued opening my presents, it turned out (based on the included gift notes) that I got some from Bluey and her gang! ๐Ÿคฏ What is this sorcery?

They sent me the Shadowlands board game, and some stickers! Thank you Bluey, Coco and Snickers! I think my friend Mwako was involved in making it happen, though… ๐Ÿฆ

The next package was from a dear commissioner, whom I love to draw. He has a very cute mouse fursona, a weakness of mine! His name in the community is Fieval. He sent me some Bluey figures! Thank you very much, Matt! ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿ’•

It was finally time to open my biggest present. I was very excited, so I saved it for last, and… HOLY CRAP!! ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•โœจโœจโœจโœจโœจโœจ๐ŸŒˆ๐ŸŒˆ๐ŸŒˆ๐ŸŒˆ *sobs*

I lost my freaking mind, it’s so cute!! Again, I suspect a tiny lion had something to do with it… although it still seemed to come from either Bluey or Bingo. Who IS the keepy-uppy expert? Was that ever established? I can’t recall. ๐ŸŽˆ

You know… I wish I could have told 7 year old me that I would still be getting toys from multiple people for my 38th birthday –from people who also, like me, like toys and kiddy things as adults. That I would have a tank full of snails and four cats, and a library, and a husband who’s kind of a big kid like me in some ways too and makes me feel safe and loved… and drawing every day… what a life. I hope nothing happens to take it all away, but even if it did I would be so grateful for all I had until today.

๐ŸŒˆ Littlespace Shopping ๐ŸŒˆ

Earlier in the day, my friend Snow sent me a present too! Some birthday monies to spend however I wanted today. So I decided to go out. And I finally made an outfit around my new Bluey shirt!

I really love it a whole lot! I wore my boots because it was sprinkling when I left but in the end I didn’t need them. It was sunny all throughout. ๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒปโœจ

Oh yeah… I know this is a petty side note, but I get asked “where did you get X thing” a LOT when I post “Little” stuff. Like multiple times a day on Twitter, often by complete strangers. It gets very old for meโ€ฆ I feel like I am used as a catalog mostly (usually) by people who almost never talk to me or don’t even follow me, even though 90% of the stuff I post can be found if you put 10-15 minutes into a Google search. If we are CLOSE friends then feel free to ask me via DM. ๐Ÿ˜Š I don’t mind telling friends. I just don’t like feeling used because someone is lazy.

I have a mask but itโ€™s not in this photo. Iโ€™m wearing a mask indoors again when shipping and such, to be extra safe, but I am vaccinated! โœŒ๐ŸŒˆโœจ๐Ÿ’‰

I had a lot of fun on my walk, but was definitely glad that I brought a bottle of water (something I’m bad about) because the heat was quite unbearable. Here is my Little birthday treasure hoard from that excursion:

One of my favorites was this squirrel which will likely be displayed for the entirety of fall every year going forward! And speaking of squirrels and fallโ€ฆ another fun fall squirrel thing I got was a garden flag to put at the front of the house. Have I mentioned Iโ€™m excited for fall? ๐Ÿฟ๏ธ๐Ÿ‚๐Ÿ๐ŸŒฐ

As you can see in the first photo I also got fall, Christmas and Birthday stickers, a new pair of scissors, and some Pride tape. And these amazing scented gel crayons! ๐Ÿ–๏ธ๐ŸŒˆโœจ

Small softcover books make great, cheap scrapbooking suppliesโ€ฆ although a part of myself dies when I cut up a brand new book, even if I bought it for this specific purposeโ€ฆ ๐Ÿ˜ญโœ‚๏ธ

One of the nicest thing I got was another Highlights Hidden Pictures puzzle book. These are a massive Little button for me.

I love the old-timey art and the level of difficulty is precise to my usual Little age headspace. Here’s some sample pages… ๐Ÿ“–๐Ÿ–๏ธ๐ŸŒˆ I love it so much!

Thank you again, Snow, for all the nice play things I was able to get! ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

๐Ÿ“ฆ Mail Day ๐Ÿ“ฆ

As if so many wonderful things weren’t enough, when I got home there was stuff in the mail for me. One was the Bella Sara card packs I ordered a while ago:

I’ll use them for scrapbooking, but opening card packs is also a big Littlespace activity for me, so I’m very excited about them.

The next really blew my mind!! I specifically asked my mom for the Vegeta figure for my birthday because it was so cheap… like $12. I knew she wanted to get me something, I didn’t want her to overspend on me! ๐Ÿ˜ฉ Especially when she’s spent THOUSANDS recently on immigration… WHY… ๐Ÿ˜ข

Anyway… she kept messaging during my outing wanting to know if I was home. It was because of this:

So… yeah… one of the most wanted most expensive things on my list. A gorgeous artbook of my first otome experience, Code: Realize ~Guardian Of Rebirth~.

It even has art I’ve never seen before, so I was quite overcome with emotion by this beautiful present from my loving mom.

๐Ÿ’• Date Night ๐Ÿ’•

After ALL of that, Christopher and I had our date night! I had a really fancy snack and perhaps a bit too much wine. Bangers is protecting my yummy hoard!

Like last time, we played Age of Empires together-but-separately (side by side):

Later we watched a movie. I was too full from snacks to have dinner. ๐Ÿ˜…

Christopher petted me for hours while we watched. I was half dozing off between the wine and all the happy feels and just feeling sooooo good, it was a wonderful evening and I felt so loved and safe.

Now it’s time for bed… thank you, everyone, for all the presents and good wishes. You made me so happy. I guess I’ll have more things to share throughout the weekend as they arrive –but tomorrow I really gotta get some work done! โœŠ๐Ÿ’ฆ Goodnight, everyone…

A “Little” Breather ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐ŸŒˆ

Today I finished my 100 Days Of Warm-Ups project! Well, it ended up being 103. Before I start to work again, I needed to reset, so I decided to have some Little time. Of course, that means scrapbooking and cartoons!

I had Bluey with me. I offered to share my snack but she didn’t want any.

Cartoon choices were (of course) Bluey and Crayon Shin-Chan.

The episode I started with, in which Shin Chan meets the โ€œreal lifeโ€ Action Mask, is SO adorable. Shin Chan may be the Japanese “Dennis The Menace” but he is far more childlike and genuine, and as a result, he can be so cute sometimes.

For a show with so much sexual innuendo and such jokes, it has huge heart. I’ve noticed that when shows like these add bits of emotion, it gets to me something crazy. Like when Shin Chan sends his important letter and it’s to Misae to thank her for all she does. It was played for laughs, but I teared up. Or when he finds Shiro. I’ve teared up watching this show at least three times and I’m still on season one. ๐Ÿ˜…

At some point I’m going to start going in between this and Doraemon because I have a lot of episodes to get through.

Anyway!! Have a look at my tape collection!

I’ve got all kinds… Washi, fabric, duck brand tape… they’re a lot of fun. I also have some huge duck brand tape rolls with really cute designs but of course those don’t fit in this box.

The last thing I’ve got to share is my new Bluey shirt. Can you tell I got a new special interest? Oops. Haha…

That’s it for tonight I guess! It’s time to clean the snail tank and then start dinner. I’m making chicken tonight. ๐Ÿ”

‘Ello Neighbor ๐ŸฆŽ

Look at this cutie I saw when I was watering our new yard!

I saw him when I first set out the sprinkler and he hid inside. Still, just in case I took my phone the second time around and I was very glad because he was back, and I was able to get super close for some really adorable photos of my little neighbor:

He was a curly tail. Invasive species… they grow kinda big. I hope I see him again.

A Crafty Break ๐ŸŒˆโœจ

I worked on a bunch of commissions today! Also had fun working a tad on my scrapbook (well, Littlespace journal.)

As you can see some areas are kind of “lifting” which I hope to be able to fix with a fixative spray that is coming later this week. My goal is to fix this journal completely, but after that I’m 100% going back to Happy Planner pages. Not Happy Planners themselves –just that format. It is far easier to scrapbook with those.

Both work and Littlespace cheered me up a lot! Iโ€™m also really looking forward to tea this weekend for my birthday. Iโ€™m going to try to scrapbook more this week as long as I can also keep up with commission work too.

I canโ€™t wait for Mwakoโ€™s visit so we can do all sorts of Little things together! I’ve been craving it terribly.

Nightmare…

I had a terrible, awful bad dream. One of those wake-up-sweating, with the words I was screaming in a loop during my dream caught at my throat, almost crying type of nightmare. The bad feeling was very slow to leave me. It still hasn’t completely.

I guess the last week was pretty crappy and stressful… Maybe it all got to me. The thing that has me feeling the lowest isn’t something I can fix and I’m having so much trouble getting over it. That is not helping at all.

I’m looking forward a lot to my friend Mwako visiting. I think spending time being Little with him will help a ton. Just a bit under a month to go –and by then most of the stressful stuff just might be over.

A Little Outing On A Hot Day๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒป

I’m still feeling super, super low, so I decided to go on a Little outing. I walked to Michaels and got some stickers, and then to Target, where I got one of their last two Bluey plushies. I really, desperately needed something new to hug that wasn’t expensive.

It was very hot outside, almost unbearably so, but the walk did me good all the same. I met a squirrel on the way, who really stared me down…

Here’s my Bluey plush that I got to cheer myself up:

Later, I did some more scrapbooking. Bluey made sure the colors were harmonious.

I did work on art in the afternoon though, so I promise it wasn’t a day without commission work.

Yard Work ๐Ÿฆ—

Even though I’m not doing okay mentally, I managed to be pretty helpful in the yard without as much whining as I feared I might have done. I ended up in a ton of pain but I helped raking leaves and with Christopher we put down two pallets of sod together. I also did a lot of pressure cleaning.

More than anything I am relieved that considering how I am currently feeling I managed to be cheerful most of the time because I really don’t want to bring my family down with my nonsense, again.

๐Ÿ› Working On The Yard ๐Ÿ›

My mom in law found a cute caterpillar while raking leaves so she let me take him to a safe place. He was such a cutie:

Here’s some video of the little bugger, too:

I really didn’t want to be the first one to tap out (and I only stopped maybe 15 minutes before everyone else, after working since before 8:00am) but I was actually crying by that point because of the terribly pain in my old wrist injury. I think it’ll be okay though.

These photos are from when I came back inside. Almost every area of uncovered skin looked like my arm. ๐Ÿ˜…

Oh yeah –the fridge behind me is the new fridge. It was delivered today. It’s a pretty nice fridge.

Here are some photos of our freshly sodded and pressure cleaned yard and house. The first pallet had some kinda bad squares, but Christopher said it will all grow in very nicely.

After going back in, I showered and sat down to relax for a bit. I had a package to open.

๐ŸŽˆ Birthday Present From Drake ๐ŸŽˆ

My friend Drake sent me a really fancy birthday present! It’s a very cute (but very good, it’s not a toy) crayon sharpener. I hope to use it on the next Little playdate.

Mojito was admiring it too!

Thank you Drakey for such a very lovely present. ๐Ÿ’•โœจ

๐Ÿฐ Scrapbooking Time ๐Ÿฐ

After that I worked a bit on my scrapbook and watched Crayon Shin-Chan. Mignon wanted to watch so I prepared his little chair for him to sit on.

And that was that for the day. Eventually I began working on chores. Grandma made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. The day didn’t end on a bad note. Perhaps I’ll cheer up tomorrow, I’m going to try!

Feeling Kinda Broken Lately… ๐Ÿ’”

I think I just donโ€™t know how to talk to people in a normal way. I say too much or too little, almost all of the time. Especially the former. I am so awkward.

Iโ€™ve been told I am this way since childhood and I have been told I have to change. I have always tried, and sometimes I think I am getting better, but eventually I am reminded that Iโ€™m really, really not. Every day itโ€™s more obvious that Iโ€™m not neurotypical at all (and I never have been) but that knowledge doesnโ€™t help. I still have to carry this painful inability to be social in the same wavelength as others that is always there. Always putting my foot in my mouth or wondering if I did. Always wondering.

Iโ€™m so sorry for being this wayโ€ฆ Iโ€™m in a perpetual state of anxiety because of it. If I ever offend you, I probably didnโ€™t mean to. I just really wear my heart in my sleeve instead of showing it slowly. It can be really off putting. Iโ€™m so sorry for that, I really mean that.

Date Night An’ Other Stuff

Vegeta wants to send you good vibes for today!! โœŠโœจ

Anyway, it’s Thursday. Tonight is date night. I also need to do a little shopping for my upcoming play date with Mwako while I still can.

๐ŸŒˆ Little Shopping Trip ๐ŸŒˆ

I don’t want to spoil at least the visuals for Mwako, so I won’t post those things here. But I got some big crayons for his little baby hands, a bit of clay, some fun puzzle and activity books, and some other things to have a really nice little play date.

I also got some things for scrapbooking. A notebook, some Pokรฉmon cards and such…

I’m looking forward to having fun with these things in my scrapbooks. Glad to be finding joy in that hobby again.

๐ŸŽฎ Nexomon Extinction ๐ŸŽฎ

This game has been added to my extensive “to play” roster (also, this is the first time ever I can say I’ve literally collected games… I’m becoming like my husband.)

I never in a MILLION years thought I’d buy such a thing! ๐Ÿ˜… This game is a very honest absolute knockoff of Pokรฉmon. However, it seems to be a loving, well done homage, that a lot of older fans are enjoying. It was quite discounted the day I found it, so I figured I’d give it a shot. ๐Ÿ˜Š I’ll be sure to let you know how that goes.

๐Ÿ’˜ Date Night ๐Ÿ’˜

Tonight was date night! We had a few plans. In the end we didn’t get to play I Spy, though I ended up taking a picture of it at the beginning of the evening…

Instead we sat next to each other playing Age Of Empires. That was really fun. While playing I snacked on some yummy stuff that Apply Juice watched over so the cats wouldn’t try to get a taste:

Can’t wait to do the exact same thing next Thursday too! ๐Ÿฅฐ