Two years ago this month, tentatively, and not without trepidation, I “came out” as pan by adding these subtle colors to my icon on my socials. I did not tell anyone directly, at least not right away.
As more time goes by, I feel happier and more comfortable identifying this way, and more people close to me properly understand what it means. While I wish I’d come to terms with it sooner (religious indoctrination was a big factor that held me back, unfortunately) I’m really grateful for the support I received from the community, my friends, family, and above all, my husband. I think I’m very lucky indeed. I know not everyone is as lucky.
It’s probably safe to say that the majority of my watchers identify as LGBTQ+, or at the very minimum half of them. I want to send you my warmest wishes on this very special month. Remember, you are loved, and you matter!
Good morning everyone! It’s a beautiful day… I’ve been up since 6:30am and ready to head out on my walk once Christopher leaves for work. I hope to make today a really good, productive day. ✊ Before I move on to other things, here’s today’s outfit!
Last night I dreamed that the Tail Of The Moon manga got a sequel, but it was not translated. 😫 It was one of those dreams that stay with you! Now I kinda want to Google to see if there was one, but I also don’t. Because if it wasn’t translated, that would make me sad. Haha.
I also had some dreams about the rats, but I don’t remember what, exactly. 🤔
I woke up to find out the Roomba (well, Roborock) tried to eat the cat’s wet food. It didn’t go too well, there is cat food on the walls. 😅 Thankfully though, it got stuck on the plate so the mess is constrained to that area.
Yesterday was a pretty busy day. I worked on a complex background commission, exercised, did some redecorating, worked on my book (as in, actual writing) and did some reading (still making my way through the first volume of The Rose Of Versailles). I did lots of housework too.
Kotoko was pretty clingy… she didn’t really want to be on the desk, but rather, on me. She really wanted attention. In these photos, she was doing a little dance trying to get me to sit down so she could get back on my lap:
Elliot was clingy too, which given his recent infection concerned me. But he played with me a lot, and was very distracted by the window:
Right now he is on special urinary care food. We also began using aluminum bowls for their water and filtering the tap water in whatever way we could. But Christopher said we will discuss a reverse osmosis filter system as they have really gone down in price. We still don’t know what is causing these UTIs in three out of four cats, and neither does the vet, so we’re doing all we can to fix the problem. Aside from being expensive, it’s an awful experience for the cats when it happens.
💗💛💙 Ready For Pride Month 💗💛💙
My Target package arrived yesterday! They sent the wrong candles though (not pictured.) I got plain Pride candles rather than Pansexual Pride candles. However, they sent those after I placed a ticket, and allowed me to keep the normal Pride candles, so that’s alright. I’m gonna have a lot of candles though.
The things you can see above are a large, full-size Pansexual flag, which came with five little flags. I displayed one on my desk (since I got a mini flag stand too) and I’ll give my sis-in-law one of the others. I’ll put the rest away for now.
Then there’s the shirt and socks. They fit great and I am wearing them today, as you saw in the OOTD photo at the beginning of the post. I really like the shirt a lot:
I also got a rainbow pencil cup and tape dispenser, and a little plastic plant in a Pride container.
I’m still over the moon that they made Pan-specific stuff. Really makes you feel seen. 😊
I wondered what to do with my new flag. In the end, I decided to use it as a curtain. It can be hung completely to block out the sun while still letting in light, but mostly, I keep it like this:
Incidentally, that is my new writing setup. It’s the most comfortable writing setup I’ve had in that room, specifically as far as ergonomics go, except that now that I use a real keyboard for everyday use, any other keyboard feels like absolute garbage, even the Apple Magic keyboard that I loved to bits for several years. So, I need a new “real” keyboard, though it doesn’t have to be pretty like the other one. I probably will still want it to light up though, just in a single, solid plain color. I’ll try to get one later this year.
I still have a lot of accumulated stuff to take care of before our New Hampshire trip. From gift art to commissions and planning events to discussing more immigration stuff with my mom. We have a Zoom call today at 11am or so to discuss more of that.
I’d told my mom about how excited I was about the Target Pride stuff, because recently she seemed to warm up to the topic, but once again like at the start, she seemed to get uncomfortable at the mere mention. I was so saddened by that. I know she still feels weird about it, even two years in.
Sometimes she seems really supportive of it and sometimes she seems to feel deeply uncomfortable by it. The latter always catches me off guard and hurts a bit, because I’m so used to discussing this topic with my husband. who is always so supportive of me in literally every way. I know she didn’t like it when I first came out to her, which hurt too, and was so odd because she was the one who raised me to be an open minded and accepting person. I think if I’d realized it as a teenager she would have been more supportive actually. I think what she finds odd is that I came to this realization so late in life.
Maybe she’ll come around completely eventually. It feels like an important part of me, to me. More rather than less, as time goes by. So I try to find little ways to validate it for myself because a part of me still feels like some sort of impostor, and it makes me worry that she feels that way about it too. I wonder if she will say anything about my shirt today.
Anyway! Lots and lots to do… the snails need their morning spraying. I hope everyone has a very lovely day!
I made this icon for my friend WishSkunk (Twitter, also BabbyArts on FA) as a little gift. It resembles my own pan pride icon, but please note I am not open for commissions on these icons. It’s based on a very personal thing I own, my pan necklace, and I only did it for Wish as a present because we are pan sisters lol. 😌
Two versions, one for Pride month and one for every day!